Lies Women Believe Week 6
This week, we are talking about Lies We Believe About Our Circumstances. If you missed last week, we talked about Lies We Believe About Children and Our Emotions. This series is based on the book “Lies Women Believe” if you’d like to do a deeper study on the topic.
Can I make a confession? Mondays are my least favorite days. Why? Because anything that could go wrong, usually does. The enemy is hot on my tail, my husband’s tail and uses my house, my kids, my marriage, my mind, my ministry, and my emotions as weapons in his war. Sometimes I want to pray:
“Oh, that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest… I would hurry to find a shelter from the raging wind and tempest.” - Psalm 55:6,8
When God first created the earth He said, “It is good.” Everything was in perfect order but all of that changed when Adam and Eve listened to and acted on Satan’s lie. That’s when the curses began: in addition to thorns and labor pains, the fallen human experience would include:
Fear, shame and guilt
Disappointment
Arguments and lawsuits
Tears and temper tantrums
Hurricanes, floods and fires
Crime and violence
Poverty, injustice, racism and war
Arthritis, disease, and cancer
God is still with us, but our everyday reality is a fallen world. And Satan still tries to deceive us in regard to these circumstances – resulting in unnecessary disappointment, anger, and despair. How desperately we need God’s Truth in order to keep our lives in perspective and hold on to hope!
1. “If my circumstances were different, I would be different.”
The truth I’ve learned is that we face trials in life that REVEAL who we are not DETERMINE who we are: We feel patient until our patience is tested. We feel loving until someone does something hurts us. What we are really saying is: “someone or something made me the way that I am.”
We feel that if our curcumstances were different – our upbringing, our environment, the people around us – we would be different. But if our circumstances make us what we are, then we are all victims. And that’s just what the enemy wants us to believe. Because if we are victims, then we aren’t responsible – we can help or change the way we are.
But God says we are responsible – not for the failures of others - but for our own responses and lives. The Enemy convinces us that the only way we can ever be different is if our circumstances change. So we play the “if only” game:
“If only we had a bigger house/car/better job/more money/etc.”
“If only I hadn’t lost that child/spouse/loved one.”
“If only my husband would communicate.”
We’ve been deceived into believing we would be happier if we had a different set of circumstances. But the Truth is, if we’re not content within our present circumstances, we’re not likely to be happy in another set of circumstances.
Martha Washington wrote in a letter to her friend Mercy Warren: “I am still determined to be cheerful and happy in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances. We carry the seeds of the one or the other about with us in our minds, wherever we go.”
The apostle Paul expressed the same thing in Philippians 4:11-12 “Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.”
We might not be able to control our circumstances, but our circumstances don’t have to control us.
2. “I shouldn’t have to suffer.”
There’s a lie in the church that promises unending peace and joy, a home in heaven and a prosperous life between here and there. That kind of preaching, stripped of the call to discipleship, has produced a generation of “disciples” who have little stomach for the battles of the Christians life. When trials come, they quit because it’s not what they signed up for and that’s exactly where the Enemy wants us. By convincing us that our suffering is undeserved or unnecessary, he succeeds in getting us to resent and resist the will and purposes of God.
Scripture repeatedly says, “Take up your cross.” “Put on the armor of God (for battle).” “Through many tribulations, we must enter the kingdom of heaven.” Acts 14:22
A missionary in China when Communist took control wrote this: “We tend to look at the circumstances of life in terms of what they may do to our cherished hopes and convenience, and we shape our decisions and reactions accordingly. We a problem threatens, we rush to God, not to seek His perspective, but to ask Him to deflect the trouble. Our self-concern takes priority over whatever it is that God might be trying to do through the trouble… An escapist generation reads security, prosperity, and physical well-being as evidences of God’s blessing. Thus when He puts suffering and affliction into our hands, we misread His signals and misinterpret His intentions.”
Oh God, how many times have I misread Your signals and misinterpreted Your intentions for my life? Taken what was meant to grow me and viewed it as a punishment. Or taken what would produce the greatest blessing and asked for this cup to pass from me?
If we don’t trust the heart and intentions of God, we will naturally resist suffering. If we want to be like Jesus, and we all do, we can’t resist whatever instrument God may choose to fulfill that desire.
“To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps.” - 1 Peter 2:21
True joy is not the absence of pain but the sanctifying, sustaining presence of the Lord Jesus in the midst of the pain. Through the whole process, whether it be a matter of days, weeks, months, or years, we have His promise:
“After you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.” 1 Peter 5:10
3. “My circumstances will never change- this will go on forever.”
This lie keeps women trapped in hopelessness and despair. The Truth is, your pain – whether physical affliction, memories of abuse, a troubled marriage or a heart broken by a wayward child – may go on for a long time. But it will not last forever. It may even go on for all of your life here on earth – but life on earth is but a vapor or a comma, in light of Eternity!
The problem is that we’re so earthbound that 40 days – or 40 years – seems like an eternity. No matter how long we suffer here on earth, we are assured, it will not be forever:
“For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.” - 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
“For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.” Romans 8:18
“weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.” - Psalm 30:5b
Believing the Truth about what lies ahead will fill us with hope and enable us to persevere between now and then.
4. “I just can’t take any more.”
We have all been in moments where our emotions tell us we can’t continue. But this lie, just like any other lie, must be corrected with Truth.
“And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” - 2 Corinthians 12:9
Most of us are familiar with this verse. But when it comes to the circumstances in our lives, few of us really believe it. What we really believe is: I can’t bear this anxiety. I can’t continue in this marriage. I can’t bear to be hurt one more time. I can’t respond in love. I just can’t any more.
The Truth, whether we believe it or not, is that His grace really is sufficient for us (that’s assuming that we haven’t taken on ourselves responsibilities He never intended us to carry).
When I’m exhausted and think I can’t face the day ahead, His grace is sufficient for me.
When I’m tempted to vent my frustration by speaking harsh words, His grace is sufficient for me.
When I blow it with my family and become uptight and short-tempered, His grace is sufficient for me.
When I’m overcome with worry and anxiety, His grace is sufficient for me.
When I don’t know which direction to go or what decision to make, His grace is sufficient for me.
When my heart is breaking with an overwhelming sense of loss and grief, His grace is sufficient for me.
What do you need God’s grace for? Wayward children? Aching body? Unloving husband? No money in the bank? Struggling to raise children alone? Lost your job? Just moved to a new city and don’t have new friends yet? Caring for aging parents? Desperately lonely? Plagued with guilt? Chemically dependent? Hormones going haywire? Fill in the blank. Whatever you situation, whatever your story, whatever your need – His grace is sufficient for you.
God will not lead you anywhere His grace will not carry you.
5. “It’s all about me.”
This lie is one that very few will admit but many believe. Our instinctive reaction to life is self-centered: how does this affect me? Will this make me happy? Why did this have to happen to me? What does she think about me? It’s my turn. Nobody cares about my ideas. He hurt my feelings. I’ve got to have some time for me. I need my space. He’s not thinking about my needs.
It’s not enough to be the center of our own universe. We want to be the center of everyone else’s universe as well – including God’s. (the dangerous part of this lie is that we are so deceived we would never say we believe this)
Dr Larry Crabb offers an analysis of the extent to which the evangelical church has given in to this deception: “Helping people to feel loved and worthwhile has become the central mission of the church. We are learning not to worship God in self-denial and costly service, but to embrace our inner child, heal our memories, overcome additions, lift our depressions, improve our self-images, establish self-preserving boundaries, substitute self-love for self-hatred, and replace shame with an affirming acceptance of who we are. Recover form pain is absorbing an increasing share of the church’s energy. And that is alarming… We have become committed to relieving the pain behind our problems rather than using our pain to wrestle more passionately with the character and purpose of God. Feeling better has become more important than finding God. As a result, we happily camp on ideas that help us feel loved and accepted, and we pass over Scripture that calls us to higher ground. We have arranged things so that God is now worthy of honor because He has honored us. “Worthy is the Lamb,” we cry, not in response to his amazing grace, but because he has recovered what we value most: the ability to like ourselves. We now matter more than God.”
The apostle Paul understood that we exist for God and not the other way around.
“For by him were all things created, that are in heaven, and that are in earth, visible and invisible, whether they be thrones, or dominions, or principalities, or powers: all things were created by him, and for him: And he is before all things, and by him all things consist. And he is the head of the body, the church: who is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead; that in all things he might have the preeminence.” Colossians 1:16-18
How did Paul in all of his sufferings have a steadfast faith? His secret was that he had settled the issue of why he was living. He was not living to please himself or to get his needs fulfilled.
Author Susan Hunt sums up beautifully the Truth that counters this final lie: “History is the story of redemption. This story is much bigger than I. I am not the main character in the drama of redemption. I am not the point. But by God’s grace I am a part of it. My subplot is integral to the whole. It is far more significant to have a small part in this story than to start in my own puny production. This is a cosmic story that will run throughout eternity. Will I play my part with grace and joy, or will I go for the short-run, insignificant story that really has no point?”
The Truth is, it’s not about you. It’s not about me. It’s all about Him. The Truth may not change your circumstances – at least not here and now – but it will change you. The Truth will set you free.
As we wrap up this series I want to do a quick recap.
Deception has endless variations which Satan tailors to our natural bents. My husband and sons are expert fisherman. They know exactly which bait to use for each type of fish, in each kind of waterway, and at a particular time of day. Satan knows the exact lure to use that we’re least likely to consider harmful and will catch our attention.
You see, Satan doesn’t care what we believe, as long as we don’t believe the Truth.
Let’s review the two major points of this series:
· Believing lies places us in bondage.
· The Truth has the power to set us free.
The progression into spiritual bondage from freedom is:
1. We listen to the lie
2. We think about the lie
3. We believe the lie
4. We act on the lie.
The way from captivity to freedom is:
1. Identify the area of bondage or sinful behavior
2. Identify the lie at the root of that bondage or behavior
3. Replace the lie with the Truth.
The truth has the power to sanctify us – sanctification is the process of becoming more like Christ and never ends. John 17:17 Jesus prays “sanctify them in the trust; Your word is truth.” May it be our prayer, “wash me with Your Word. Your Word is Truth. Use the Truth to cleanse my heart, purify my mind, and keep me in You.” May we speak the Truth to ourselves until the Truth displaces and replaces the lies we have been believing.
But, how do I obey the truth instead of the lie?
You make a choice. Once you decide, your emotions will follow but not the other way around. Emotions will gradually follow decided truth. Spiritual freedom is the sweet fruit of knowing, believing and acting on the Truth.
And how can we know the Truth? We must remember that the Truth is not merely an idea or a philosophy. It is a person – Jesus Christ. He said of Himself,
“I am the way, the truth and the life.” John 14:6. Jesus didn’t point men to religious systems; He pointed them to Himself. “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free…. So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” John 8:31-32, 36
Every time we open the Word or heart it proclaimed, it ought to be with prayer that God will open our eyes to see any areas where we have been deceived, and with a heart attitude that says, “Lord, Your Word is Truth; I will submit to whatever You say. Whether I like it or not, whethere I feel like it or not, whether I agree with it or not, whether it makes sense or not, I choose to place my life under the authority of You Word – I will obey.”
Once we know the Truth and are walking according to that Truth, God wants to make us instruments to point others to the Truth:
“Speaking the Truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into Him who is the head, into Christ… Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.” - Ephesians 4:15,25
“If anyone among you wanders from the truth and someone brings him back, let him know that whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins.”- James 5:19-20
It is my prayer that this series would save us from being “lost in the house.” In Luke 15, Jesus teaches three parables to the Pharisees and the teachers of the law– the parable of the lost sheep, the parable of the lost coin and the parable of the prodigal son.
Many times, Jesus would use the parables to teach the subject of the teaching a lesson. The coin was lost in the house. What if the lesson of the parable of the prodigal son wasn’t even for the family to be ready to welcome the lost but instead for the brother who stayed in the house.
“Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. 30 But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’ My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours.” Luke 15:29-31
Like Adam and Eve, the older brother had total access to everything but was deceived and instead felt slighted. He felt like a slave when he was a son. God forbid we are deceived and lost, when freedom was always available in the house but we were too deceived to feel free.