Lies Women Believe Week 2
This week, we are talking about Lies We Believe About Ourselves. If you missed last week, we talked about the origin of Lies and Lies We Believe About God. This series is based on the book “Lies Women Believe” if you’d like to do a deeper study on the topic.
We may think the irritations and turmoil within our souls is due to annoying people or frustrating circumstances, when the real problem is that we are seeing things through a damaged lens – a belief based on a lie. If we don’t see God as He really is – if we believe things about Him that aren’t true – invariably, we will have a distorted view of ourselves.
I have been known to take a tiny action that my husband does and somehow spin it up into a catastrophic injury against my character and our marriage, when in reality, it was an annoying habit or a misunderstood statement. I’m deceived. So, what are the lies we believe about ourselves?
“I’m not worth anything”
In surveys for the book, 50% of women identified with this lie. Some of us have lived all our lives in an emotional prison because we have accepted what a false or broken mirror said to us about ourselves. There’s been a lie somewhere that has been heard, munched on, believed and acted on (withdrawing, etc.). No amount of affirmation is enough when your value is up for a vote. The Truth is that my value is not determined by others think of me or what I think of myself. My value is determined by how God views me.
“O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar.You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it. Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me,and your right hand shall hold me. If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,” even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you. For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance;in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you.” - Psalm 139:1-18
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” - John 3:16
“For when we were still without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. 7 For scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good man someone would even dare to die. 8 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:6-8
If I am a child of God, I am His cherished possession and treasure. If the Mona Lisa was thrown away or put in a yard sale, it wouldn’t make it any less valuable. The true worth of the art would be seen and a collector would pay any amount to obtain it. That’s exactly how God feels about you, and about me.
“For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.” The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together.” - Romans 8:15-17
iii. But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light” - 1 Peter 2:9
2. “I need to love myself more”
Our most common issues is not having a low view ourselves, but have a low view of God. Our problem isn’t so much a poor self-image as it is a poor God-image. The truth is, by faith, I need to receive God’s love for me.
“I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.” - Galations 2:20
“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written: “For Your sake we are killed all day long; We are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.” Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” - Romans 8:35-39
The Truth is that God wants me to experience His love and to let Him love others through me. As we believe and receive God’s love, we can be set free from self-loathing, comparison and self-absorption. And then we can become channels through whom His love can flow out to others.
“This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.” - John 15:12
3. “LIE I can’t help the way I am”
We see things about ourselves that we wish were different or that we know are not pleasing to the Lord. But rather than accept personal responsibility for our own choices, attitudes, and behavior, we have 101 reasons why we are the way we are. Believing the lie “I can’t help the way that I am” can reduce us to assuming we are helpless victims of people and circumstances that we can’t change or control. That leaves us without hope that we can ever be any different. And that keeps us in spiritual bondage.
But the truth is we can change by the power of the Spirit. Once we know that Truth, we can break free from the chains of our past, our circumstances, and even our deeply ingrained habits.
“What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound? God forbid. How shall we, that are dead to sin, live any longer therein? Know ye not, that so many of us as were baptized into Jesus Christ were baptized into his death? Therefore we are buried with him by baptism into death: that like as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life. For if we have been planted together in the likeness of his death, we shall be also in the likeness of his resurrection: Knowing this, that our old man is crucified with him, that the body of sin might be destroyed, that henceforth we should not serve sin. For he that is dead is freed from sin. Now if we be dead with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with him: Knowing that Christ being raised from the dead dieth no more; death hath no more dominion over him. For in that he died, he died unto sin once: but in that he liveth, he liveth unto God. Likewise reckon ye also yourselves to be dead indeed unto sin, but alive unto God through Jesus Christ our Lord. Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, that ye should obey it in the lusts thereof. Neither yield ye your members as instruments of unrighteousness unto sin: but yield yourselves unto God, as those that are alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness unto God. For sin shall not have dominion over you: for ye are not under the law, but under grace.” - Romans 6:1-14
“There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death.” - Romans 8:1-2
“I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live:” - Deuteronomy 30:19
“This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.” Galatians 5:16
4. “I have my rights”
This is where Jonah found himself – he didn’t want to go to Ninevah, then he didn’t want them to have grace, etc. He thought he had certain rights to his own life. The Truth is yielding rights will set me free. Just like traffic flows best when we yield the “right of way,” yielding what we feel are our rights to the Lord helps our lives to flow best.
“Then said I, Lo, I come (in the volume of the book it is written of me,) to do thy will, O God.’ - Hebrews 10:7
5.”Physical beauty matters more than inner beauty”
The interesting thing about the lie in the garden was that after Eve believed the first lie, she started seeing herself differently – she and Adam became self-conscious and ashamed of their nakedness – bodies that had been masterfully formed by a loving Creator. The pursuit of physical beauty is invariably an unattainable, elusive goal – always just out of reach. At best, as long as we are on this earth, physical beauty is temporal and fleeting.
“Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”- Proverb 31:30
The truth is the beauty that matters most to God is that of my inner spirit and character
“But the Lord said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.”1 Samuel 16:7
“Do not let your adorning be external – the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear – but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves.” 1 Peter 3:3-5
The point of these verses is NOT to somehow say it is sinful or wrong to pay attention to our outward appearance. What is condemned is taking pride in God-given beauty, giving excessive attention to physical beauty, or tending to physical matters while neglecting matters of the heart.
As Christian women, we have a high and holy calling to reflect the beauty, order, excellence, and grace of Christ, to let others see the difference He makes in our lives. He made us women. It is a good thing to beautify the setting where He has placed us and the bodies He has given us.
“…adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing, but which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works.” 1 Timothy 2:9-10
The words translated “adorn” and “modest” in this text mean “orderly, well-arranged, decent”; they speak of “harmonious agreement”. Our outward appearance as Christian women should reflect a heart that is pure and well-ordered – not drawing attention to ourselves by being extravagant, extreme, or indecent. In everything, our goal is to reflect the beauty of Christ and to make the gospel attractive to our world.
As Christian women, we must not also buy into the lie that our biological clock somehow must be reversed, and we must live in a perpetual state of trying to stay young. As we age, it’s perfectly reasonable to not jump headfirst into assisted living but we also must not obsess with fighting off the inevitable.
6. “I should not have to live with unfulfilled longings.”
At best, this lie leaves women feeling unfulfilled. At its worst, it fuels anxiety, resentment, and depression. Not all of our inner longings are necessarily sinful. It becomes a problem when we somehow demand they be fulfilled or insist on meeting them in illegitimate ways. We can be honest with God about what we desire. But until He provides the legitimate context to fulfill those desires, we have to learn to be content with unfulfilled longings. The Truth is the deepest longings of my heart cannot be filled by any created person or thing.
“You will show me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” - Psalms 16:11
“Whom have I in heaven but You? And there is none upon earth that I desire besides You.” - Psalm 73:25
“So He humbled you, allowed you to hunger, and fed you with manna which you did not know nor did your fathers know, that He might make you know that man shall not live by bread alone; but man lives by every word that proceeds from the mouth of the Lord.” Deuteronomy 8:3